Asking all of you to help with a Christmas gift…

My Old man…

Is just getting to be that… an old man. He’s over 60 years old… but that’s not stopping him from keeping an 18 year old’s mind. He’s been around the world, and he’s seen enough to fill 5 lifetimes. So how do you avoid the “just another tie, another watch, another pen, another pair of pants, shirt, sweater, socks, shoes, watch, cologne, etc etc etc etc etc…?

At his age, and with his disability, I can’t say he’s the most active person in the world. Lately he’s had complications with his hand, which leaves it almost unusable. He’s been around… making pipes, woodworking like a champ, cooking like a chef, etc etc. I can’t say that it’d be good to buy him woodworking tools, as he really can’t use them with his hand in its condition. He has a massive collection of DVDs, along with a portable DVD player. His collection of pipes that he and I have made will last him a great while. He has the TV, the actual DVD/VCR combo… in honesty… he as the works, for him at least. He’s easily satisfied.

So what do I get him? I mean, I have to consider a price range as well, as I’m no rich man. I’m a struggling musician, and this may be the worst Christmas (money-wise)… yet, there has to be something out there I can get, that will shove aside all the madness in the world, and illuminate his eyes, rendering him blind if even for a moment, and grant him some happiness.

If anyone out there has any suggestions, post away. Anything and everything will do, and nothing is too silly, and nothing is out of range with ”nahhh he wouldn’t like that, so I shouldn’t even post it”

Btw, once things pick up, I plan on getting him a Netbook… so recommending this isn’t necessary (hehe)

Thanks in advance,
-Zee-

I just got a Stickam page…

(If you want the address, send me a message and I’ll give you the URL)

On Stickam… it seems everyone’s intentions are to sit in front of the webcam to spill their guts to the world… yapping about ”he said she said” and other basic drama. Some have unique ideas… but these are highly overwhelmed by the millions of live feeds of drama suffocating every viewer’s computer screen. haha.

Which brings me to my idea, which is to play guitar and teach guitar via webcam. Sooo, if you’re interested in listening to some music (either soothing acoustic, or some electric… genres ranging)… or if you’re interested in learning a thing or two about guitar, or how I’ve learned, then be sure to attend when I next turn on the webcam.

Thanks,
Zee

Everything you want to know about me…

Through recent events, I feel the need to clear up things. I barely know any of you on this site. Yet, to find myself, I feel it necessary to open up to the world.

This is not some random publicity stunt, or some way of getting attention… I couldn’t care less if no one read it at all.

I’m very very tall… I’m 6′9”… and with height, comes expectations. Expectations are a big part of my life. All through my pitiful existance, I’ve had millions of things expected of me, especially due to my height.

I’m far from being a regular person. My feelings go deeper than many have known, and with the way my mind works, I think far more than many others. I feel things greatly, pain, agony, anger, hatred, sadness, and so forth. So when you cut me, I don’t only bleed, I bleed all over. I beat myself up for no apparent reason (to you) and for a very long time.

I used to be a cutter… I sliced not for the attention and pity parties of the random public, but because the feeling of punishing myself where others have not punished myself, was satisfying. Around the same time, I was diagnosed with many ridiculous mental disorders… those which I believe have become far beyond dormant. Therefore, I have regained my sanity, and with this, I have gained a broad understanding for the way the world works.

I am a very romantic person. Simply discussing sex does not please me like other pathetic men on this planet. The touch, the interactions, the entwined feelings presented, and all others intrigue me and force me to beg for more. I enjoy relationships to an extreme… so far to say that they are one of the biggest parts of my life. Even simple human interaction keeps me going further than I ever would. The gears of my mind, twisting at unbelievable speeds, trying to understand people.

Yet, at the same time, I find a sanctuary within my own mind… not because I am psycho, but because alone I can think very very clearly, and begin to rifle through the information recently gained, and I analyze every memory until it is bone dry.

I am unreliable. You cannot expect much of me, as the extreme pressure of expectations in my life have caused me to mold into a barely breachable shell… and a very stubborn man. I hear what you want, and want to please you, yet the need for me to rebel your requests is so great that I surprise even myself with my lack of reliability.

I am very irrational… and will choose a seemingly insane course of action before considering all other options… but this is only when something has weighed heavily on something very dear to me. In many situations, I am highly capable of fast, effective decision making.

I am a fucking waste. If you choose to learn about me, beyond the ‘acquaintance’ level, you will learn that everything I chase is utterly unacceptable to most. I am a musician, I am an artist. Everything I do, I consider art, and you would too. And in this art, I am skilled… however, due to my lack of constant attentiveness, I will fail. And as soon as I fail, I find it more challenging to jump back into it. Very very hard to explain…

In other words, the potential I have, and ability to do plenty of other things do not appeal to me. I need that complexity… I need the almost guaranteed failure in order for me to want to carry on. Simply doing something I am good at will not please me to any extent. So, if you grow frustrated with my failures, it is useless to complain to me about the matter… as it will not strike me in any way… and will hardly hurt me, regardless of the words you use.

I am a victim to the very terrible, unthinkable things that circulate this earth… and almost identically, I am one that has been involved in many terrible things. Here, I am not saying I am a rapist, a murderer, etc… I am saying I have fell prey to the many sins that are presented to us. We do have a say in the matter, and your decision will change the rest of your life.

I’m almost lost on what else to say… as reading over the above things have struck even myself. More to come when I regain composure…

Inviting everyone to take part in my hopefully successful idea (blog in the comments)

Simple rules… in the comment box, post a blog! If you choose to, you may present your comments to another’s blog, just make sure you refer to that person in your comment…

The point is to get everyone together in one general area, who can check out each others’ blogs and experimenting with the idea as well (after all, I think it could turn out to be pretty interesting).

Have fun!
-Zee-

P.S.- I won’t be on for quite some time, so I’ll be sure to post something as soon as I get back… thanks everyone!

100 hits on my page, and a fantastic idea everyone should take part in…

Okay, so I’ve got 100 hits on my page, which, isn’t such a massive number… but from where I live, and after starting the page with some very low expectations and intentions, it’s pretty good…

So thanks to you random people who’ve commented, viewed, etc., my page… and now that I have a fairly decent amount of people viewing at least every so often, I figured I’d spice it up a bit…

My idea just struck me, not ten minutes ago… so here goes. I wanted to post up a blog, but with barely any meaning… and the only point behind it would be for others to comment on it…. however…

The comments on the blog are to be in blog form. Follow me so far? The entire point is to present a blog where others blog. So if you comment, blog about anything at all… and if you choose to, you may comment on others’ blogs. (to avoid confusion, make sure you refer to the person your comment applies).

So, the next blog I’m posting will be very short and sweet, inviting you to blog in the comments. Have fun!

-Zee-

Most UFC fighters struggling with money

We’ve all heard, watched, maybe even attended, watching this fast growing sport only get bigger. But, as we gaze in amazement and find ourselves lost, wondering how they withstand so many hits, there is more on their mind.

Money.

The thing that makes the world go ’round. And as they’ve got the fight to deal with, it seems they’re fighting for more than just another victory. They’re battling with money, like most of everyone else, in these harsh times.

Is it worth it?

I know myself as well as many friends contemplate on whether or not it would be great to join. We find ourselves asking far more questions than we have ever considered… and wonder if it’s really worth it.

Jorge Rivera, at 37, is one of the lucky ones. When fighting, especially when winning, he makes most than others. For his last match, $14,000 to show and $14,000 to win… this was April 1.

In his next match, with Kimmons, he’ll make only $18,000 to show, and $18,000 to win. This is definitely a small amount of change, considering.

Rivera has three children, runs the Rivera Mixed Martial Arts Academy, lost a daugter just last year, and had to undergo major shoulder surgery… to top it off, he got into a dispute with his former manager over a business and is headed to court soon in an attempt to rectify the situation.

For these fighters, life is what it is. They worry about bills, like the average Joe. They worry about kids at home, supporting their family… and hoping to win the next match, to make enough to push on until their next.

And aside from money being an issue… facing a serious injury could put them out of the game, and out of money. This means leaving behind what they know best… fighting

My Life Story

First, I’d like to start out by pointing out just how much easier it is to type your life into a blog, or instant message, as opposed to talking to some random person you hardly know in say, a coffee shop…

We do it everyday…
We type things that would usually be held dearest to us in our minds… our personal library nearly a sanctuary. Somewhere we can dive into, retrieving any thought in any category… yet, for most of us, it’s hard to talk these things in person…

Anyways…
I was raised in Ohio. For the first year or so of my life I lived in a trailer in the middle of nowhere. Seeing as how I was only about a year old, I couldn’t tell you what went on there.

After, we moved into a very large house, in a town… still, in the middle of nowhere. The population of that town has hardly changed since then, staying at a comfortable 3,000 (about).

My father, mother, two sisters and I took up residence in this four-story monster of a home. It was elegant, or at least it was elegant at one time, and had now become a cheap fix. It had beautiful woodwork, a massive fireplace (that never worked), and a stained-glass window looming over the double stairset’s landing.
The most important part of all of this, is that through the beauty that lined and laced the entire home, our family dulled the innards. My father and mother never quite got along, and it seemed they tried too hard to hold a “family” scene.
I am cursed with some way of remembering things at a very early age. Here is where I regret ever attempting to know what was going on.

While it seemed wonderful to curl up in front of our television, the family surrounding me, it soon turned into a house of chaos and havoc. My dad was a drinker, as many are. But having been in the war, the mix of the two was a concoction for destruction and Hell. My mother was, and is, a psycho… this I do not doubt. So the collision of their personalities would create a beautiful obliteration… as the Atomic bombs on Japan.

Although I have my lovely memories of a child, most were filled with hiding under tables, my sisters in the room with me, older than I was, comforting, yet, hiding just as well.

Things are plenty different now, and both parents have changed dramatically. Yet, then, it was war. My drunken father would seal himself in a chosen room of the house, with nothing but alchohol and whatever other things he would grab on the way there… be it food or the like.

During this period of time, my mother would frequently scream through the doorway… those very large, sliding doors, faithfully providing their bunker-like support that they seemed they were capable of. I guess some things through the home had changed their uses. Like the doors, a table becoming a hide-out zone, a chair or end table becoming a weapon.

It’s all very clear that many have had terrible childhoods… and I’m definitely not comparing, nor am I saying mine is worse or ever so terrible. I’m simply providing something for anyone out there to read.

Sure, many things I’ve left out… but I think those are for a different time. For now, I’ve covered a good 2%.

-Z-

The Vietnam Veteran

My old man is a vet…
He served in Vietnam, and with a position that would crack any normal man.

During this time, he had many amazing experiences. I’ve sat with him, more than once, when he decided out of the blue, to open up to me. He always spills a little more information out at a time.
You never ask.
You ask, and you’re invading what he can hold to himself. His memories. When he comfortably brings it up, its that he’s recalled a memory that doesn’t bring him great pain…

A memory that he feels content sharing to his son, without exposing his soft shell. You see, no one in this world has stone skin. Underneath even the most convincing facade we are but soft tissue… and a soft, penetrable, emotional core.

He may get carried away though. He always does…
He goes too far, I think without realizing it, and spits out something that hits him hard. While spewing out the memory, easily resembling tar, his face becomes blank, tears flow down his preserved face, and he begins to stare at nothing in particular.

It’s all helpful… and one day, before he’s too old, I’ll ask him. I’ll ask him to spill his memories out onto the table, and sift through them right in front of me. I’ll ask about things I know he crosses over. Things he’ll stop himself on, because he knows going any further will bring him down.

He talks about being spit on after coming home. How all his buddies turned into drunken monsters. How many of them wrapped the entire front end of their automobiles around trees, poles, and the like.
He continues on, sometimes backing up in time… like spending time in other countries, buying things he never really needed, and things he still has, that I’ll one day own. He’ll talk about the mortar shell that turned his movement from a running, able soldier… to a hospitalized, crippled man… with a beard, and a tendency to put down a case of beer in a day.

He’s a great man…
And though many men will fall to their evils… to their guilt… and to their past… some men stand against it, growing stronger each day. Growing into more of a ‘man’ than they believed they could be. Growing into knowing they’ve made someone proud, even through their wrongs, and even if it has to be themselves.

Some men progress through life, even through the toughest times, learning to deal… to cope… to press on. Because losing the war with the enemy is acceptable, while losing the war within yourself is failure…

Top Ten Youtube Videos (personal favs list)

Alrighty… well I wanted to point out first that this is a personal list, rather than like… the actual top ten vids on youtube… Enjoy!

10.

This one’s probably recognized by many others… it’s got a pretty good view count. I know many people that are avid players of WoW… so it makes it that much more funny.

9.

This is another one… there are plenty of videos on youtube made for the constant problems with the police force. Tasering, etc. And seeing as how this doesn’t have many views, it seems others get too caught up in tazer vids to notice other random occurances.

8.

Here’s a vid from a youtube user that I’ve been following for a while, TinWhistler… This dude’s pretty good, and when his brother (I believe) jumps in, it’s a great collaboration.

7.

Here, you can see an amazing band in action, Heart. Girls really can do it better. Classic, and one of my favorites.

6.

Here’s Yurilane, another youtube user you can search for. I’m into beatboxing, and this guy’s unique talent drove me to him faster than ever. Seeing is believing.

5.

Greg Patillo… another fan of mine, will trample number 6. You can search freedomworksfilms on youtube to find more vids, which I’d love to put up, but I’d run out of spots haha

4.

This had me laughing for days, and still has the effect on me. Here’s a v/o done pretty well. Enjoy

3.

Pruit Igoe… enough said.

2.

Andy McKee, on the guitar. This has a great, smooth sound… and it’s hard to find someone that can match his talent. He makes it look so easy.

1.

This is Ronald Jenkees… he’s great on the keyboard. Here, he adds the sound of a guitar, and a drum track, and really kills it. I’m not sure exactly how many people have really seen this, but it’s a must see. Pretty soothing, and kicks in just as well.

Best WordPress Page…

Promotion.
Promoting can get you nearly anywhere… it can get you recognized, and noticed on a far bigger scale than you could attain by yourself. It is extremely effective when done by someone who’s already gained a considerable amount of notice by the audience intended to be reached. The promoter can even reach audiences that aren’t necessarily his common fans.

As a musician, it is important to reach an audience. It’s imperative that you get exposure, recognition, etc. Without such things, your talent is put to use in vain.

If there were a wordpress blog, be it a personal page, or run by multiple persons, dedicated to promoting newer bloggers… It could be very effective. I’ve only been part of the site for a few days, but have noticed that members respond to their friends’ blogs relatively quickly. And nearly just as quickly, they do so to blogs who belong to strangers. Basically, what I’m getting to is that people pay attention to others.. at least, to people whose blogs they’ve come across and felt it would interest them. They either follow them, or go to the page every now and then to see who’s doing what… and probably stick with a certain amount of blogs to follow. It’s probably impossible for one to follow hundreds upon hundreds of blogs… the time spent would be insane.

After reading the latest or top blogs, which are usually done by people with a huge fanbase, it seems apparent people of this website spend little to no time looking for new blogs to follow. And if they were to do so… how would they know where to start? You could try the tags, but then finding one that would interest you, finding a blogger that is steady with his/her work, or even finding a blog that you could agree with is difficult.

If one with a large fanbase, or even a trusted user, like one that is a part of the wordpress.com staff, were to promote newfound users, this could reduce the stress on finding new interesting bloggers. While some may hardly ever post a blog, post things that aren’t quite relevant to the tags or subject, etc., others may be great at blogging… getting down to exactly what the audience is looking for. I’m not saying, in any way, that I’m a fantastic blogger. I know for sure there are thousands of others who are far greater at reaching whomever they intend on reaching.

I’m saying that these newbies, the ones great at blogging, but may find it impossible to get recognized… should get the attention they deserve. And what better way than the help of those who recognize a good blogger?

So there’s two way to go about this… One would be: The person promoting these new bloggers would search around, sifting through the many users and blogs, finding which of these can really help the audience searching the particular tag…

Two would be: These bloggers who believe themselves to be worthy of gaining a larger fanbase, would post submissions to a page. This page would contain the different tags or subjects that the user would apply to. And either the audience would be able to choose from the list of bloggers; the audience would be able to vote which bloggers are best; or the page owner would decide which bloggers would be best.

Dunno, maybe I’m crazy.. maybe it’s the best idea to hit wordpress’s users. Sorry though, this turned out longer than I hoped haha.